Sunday, July 3, 2011

Social Media Addiction Update: Google + and MySpace Minus

Most businesses rely on supply and demand, and the Social Networking Rehab business is no different. Fortunately, with the continued growth of Twitter, Facebook and other social networks, there has been no shortage of needy patients to fill the beds at INVITATIONS, the nation's premiere social networking recovery facility. For the past four years we have helped countless geeks and early adopters beat their need to tweet and revoke their desire to poke. Our highly trained staff has mastered the 140 steps needed for rehabilitation from the scourge of Social Networking addiction. However, we are presently faced with a new challenge putting stress on the status update... There's a new drug in town, and it's being spread by an all-powerful dealer who already has its runners and gang members on the digital corners of everyone's neighborhood. The new addiction is to something bigger than even the behemoth Google. The new addiction is Google +.

Pluses and Minuses

Google + is already running circles around the other addictive social networks. Formerly reformed Social Networking addicts such as Robert Scoble and Chris Brogan have already been spotted spending hours huddling and hanging out in the digital alleyways of Google +. The seductive allure of G+ invitations via Gmail have lured countless others to throw caution to the wind and take a toke of the "G", just to "see what it's like..." Some are inhaling more than others. Some have already succumbed wholeheartedly to the perils of Google + and have been found wandering aimlessly through the Interwebs, leaving a sloppy trail of +1's in their self-destructive path. Interventions are already leading to applications for a stint of Social Networking Rehab. Beds at INVITATIONS are in high demand.

Making Space

Fortunately, we have good news for early adopters needing a little less "+." Due to a steady decline in patients suffering from MySpace addiction, the staff at INVITATIONS has decided to permanently close the MySpace wing and re-open it with a new program fully dedicated to serving patients whose over-dependence on Google + has become a minus in other aspects of their professional and personal lives. The opening of the Google + treatment program at INVITATIONS is already making waves in rehab circles and causing quite a buzz. If you, or someone you care about, is in denial about a Google + dependency, help is now just an INVITATION away.

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Saturday, June 11, 2011

May We Have The Twitter Addiction Envelope Please: And the Weiner Is...

As evidenced by the oft re-tweeted member of New York's own member of Congress, @RepWeiner, there is no question that Twitter Addiction is on the rise (as was said member).  Try as we might, we can no longer remain flaccid whilst the Twitterverse stands aroused by this latest battle of the (Congressman's) bulge.  As Congressman's Weiner proves beyond a shadow of a doubt, Twitter Addiction is hard.

An Award From The Ward

With all the media atwitter with the sordid deets of Representative Weiner's Tweets, the size and scope of the matter was not lost on the staff at INVITATIONS.  When the highly trained doctors and therapists here gathered in the West Wing of the Scoble Ward to discuss nominations for the guest of honor keynote at this year's annual Intervention Convention, there was only one unanimous choice: Anthony Weiner.  Who better to be invited to speak to a crowd of loyal followers only to find themselves the object of a massive intervention? If that won't spank the monkey on the Congressman's back, nothing will.

Case Clothed

While we hope that Congressman Weiner will take our INVITATIONS intervention invitation to heart, understanding that he may still be in the denial stages of his disease, the staff at INVITATIONS has compiled a few steps from the "140 Steps To Cure Twitter Addiction" that may be helpful to the Congressman as he softly embarks on a road to recovery:

  • Step 1 - Do NOT touch a computer or mobile phone unless fully clothed.
  • Step 2 - Do NOT Tweet with one hand.... ever!
  • Step 3 - Do NOT send out a Tweet that you would not happily recite to your wife and/or Nancy Pelosi.

These are just a few small steps that may help prevent any Twitter boners in the future...

What additional steps would you recommend for the Congressman?

(Editor's Note: Trying to fight my addiction, as an INVITATIONS outpatient I have resisted the urge to post here since the end of last year, but alas, it is too out of character for me to resist the appeal of 140 characters.  More importantly, on behalf of the staff here at INVITATIONS I am compelled to think of the greater good and once again promote our services as the nation's first, and leading Social Networking Addiction Recovery facility.  In other words, "I'm Baaaack!")  

Photo Credit: Kerioak -

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