That's it. I have been in and out of the INVITATIONS Social Networking Rehab facility for nearly a year and I have yet to be able to beat this addiction. Group therapy, medication, sensory deprivation treatments, acupuncture, dial-up Internet access... nothing seems to work. After a heated discussion with my Social Networking Shrink we have come to the only logical conclusion: I must really quit Twitter "Cold Turkey!"
STEP ONE: EMPTY THE DRAWERS & CABINETS...
If I was trying to quit smoking I would rid the house of cigarrettes... If I was trying to stop drinking I would rid the house of alcohol. Since I must quit Twitter I have to rid the house of Twitter clients. Easier said than done...
Desktop and Laptop Computers: I uninstalled TwitBin, Snitter, Twhirl, Tweetdeck and OutTwit...
Treo 755p: I removed bookmarks to m.twitter.com and Slandr...
iPod Touch: I deleted Twitterific, Twinkle, Twitter, iTweet, Hahlo, MeTweets, Summize/Twitter Search, Twittelator and Twittervision...
There. Done.
OUT OF SITE, NOT OUT OF MIND...
But wait. I may be able to remove Twitter from my devices, but I can't remove Twitter from my mind:
I wake up in the morning and wonder where @jeffpulver is having breakfast...
I sip my East Coast morning coffee envisioning @techcrunch still up, Tweeting away after having pulled yet another all-nighter in favor of a breaking tech story...
I wonder if @jchutchins is saying "Welcome Up" or if @scobleizer has posted another tweet about the conversation on Friendfeed... in shades of Louis Gray...
At night I dream in 140 characters or less...
During the day I fantasize... Is @davewiner whining? Is @jasoncalacanis saying Aloha or Mahalo? Does @NickStarr still like boys? What size shoe does @zappos wear?
I snack on @pistachio nuts and write lists of 100 helpful Tweets I would send to @chrisbrogan if I were only on Twitter...
I even write poetry:
AN ODE TO QUITTING TWITTERUh-oh, the night orderly is here with my meds... gotta go. If you had to quit Twitter "Cold Turkey" how would you do it?
by Jeffrey Sass
I tried to quit Twitter and do it Cold Turkey,
My fingers now jitter and my hands are all jerky.
I don't see how I will ever land on my feet,
If I must pass my days without a single Tweet.
I wonder what all my friends are thinking,
Who are they "@-ing"... where are they linking?
I'm feeling depressed, it's more than I can swallow,
No Tweeple to love, no people to follow.
I miss the Fail Whale, my life is in the shitter...
How can I go on without any Twitter???
Photo Credit: Bozworthington - Fotolia.com
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