Day 29: A Token of Depreciation...

It's Day 29! Where's my bleepin' keychain??? I was politely told by the staff here at INVITATIONS that I did NOT earn my 28 days of Social Networking sobriety Token. I DID get a TechCrunch token, but that was part of the problem. You see, I was granted an outpatient leave to attend the TechCrunch40 conference in San Francisco. I promised to be on my best behavior and stay clean... I swore to my sponsor that I was going on a business trip and I would NOT be using Facebook or Twitter. Yeah right...

"THE HALLS ARE ALIVE... WITH THE SOUND OF TWITTER..."

How could a Social Networking addict resist such temptations? I had barely arrived at the Palace Hotel when I ran into @chrisbrogan - a Twitter Rockstar! Then, my lips still moist from kissing Brogan's ring, who do I see standing in the hallway but @scobleizer, Twittizen extraordinaire! As one of more than 5,ooo @strangers that Robert Scoble follows, I knew he would surely be delighted to meet ME! After all, we are tight, Scoble and I. I was practically right there with him at the birth of his beautiful new son, Milan. I knew all about the new camera he had around his neck. We've bonded 140 characters at a time, countless times!

WAGON? WHAT WAGON???

TechCrunch40 was gonna be great... and without hesitation, my rehab went out the window. I snuck into a dark corridor of the Palace, where I saw Fatblogger Jason Calacanis sneaking an oatmeal raisin cookie. We shared a knowing nod, and as soon as Jason left, wiping the telltale crumbs off the corners of his mouth, I dug deep into my pocket and withdrew my fix. My trusty Treo 755p. In moments I felt release. I was in. I was Twittering about my encounters with my fellow Twittizens at TechCrunch. Ahhhh...

TWEETUP IN MEATSPACE!

My addiction reached new heights in San Francisco, as I extended my abuse beyond cyberspace and into "meatspace" by attending my first TweetUp -- a gathering of humans who, freed from the constraints of keyboards and SMS are enabled to share food, drink, and even speak in lengthy sentences. Yes, at a TweetUp you get to meet the Characters behind the 140 characters. Talk about a rush! It was great to see so many @'s in person. @CreativeSage even wore her iconic "hat" from her Facebook and Twitter profile pics, adding another dimension to the experience.

So, it is quite clear that my recovery will take far longer than 28 days... but I will get that Token or Keychain sooner or later! (And when I do, I will let you know by Twittering about it!)

Day 22: AA For Social Networking Addicts!

Its day 22 of Social Networking Rehab. I thought I was at the home stretch until today. American Airlines has become my enabler. As I mentioned in this Twittergram, I am on my way to San Francisco for TechCrunch40 (which is NOT a Cereal!). My 2:45pm direct flight from MIA was cancelled for "mechanical problems" leaving me to standby for a 4:20 pm flight via Dallas. Naturally, I did not get on the standby flight, leaving me sitting here waiting for a 7:20 flight to DFW, getting me into SFO a little before Midnight.

What's a Social Networking Addict to do????

SMILE and THANK AMERICAN AIRLINES! This is far more valuable than my frequent flyer miles. I have almost SIX HOURS of uninterrupted, guilt-free Social Networking! I have my laptop and Sprint wireless broadband card, a seat near an electrical outlet, Facebook and Twitter open before me, coffee and alcohol readily available. So what if I won't get any rest or sleep before my busy TechCrunch schedule. I am in Social Networking heaven!!! No kids or dogs to interrupt. Just you, me and my laptop!

Thank you American Airlines! You can fuck up my travel schedule anytime!

Day 19: TechCrunch is NOT a Cereal!

Ok, it is confirmed. The staff here at INVITATIONS are complete idiots. How can they claim to be "The Nation's Premiere Social Networking Recovery Facility" when they have NO CLUE about what's going on. To understand an addict, you need to walk in an addict's shoes... To understand a Social Networking addict, you should at the very least have a Twitter account! Is that too much to ask?

I sent a Twittergram this morning but the end of it got cut off. I was talking with my Therapist and I told her, "Hey, Guy Kawasaki is on Twitter now!" I was pumped. Guy's a RockStar. The so-called "expert" Therapist looked at me puzzled and said, "You mean the motorcycle???"

NOTE TO THERAPIST: GUY KAWASAKI IS NOT A MOTORCYCLE!

As if that wasn't bad enough, I had to explain that I needed an outpatient pass for a few days for TechCrunch40. She told me that they had a fully stocked kitchen, but if I wanted a certain special brand of cereal she would be happy to order it for me...

NOTE TO THERAPIST: TECHCRUNCH IS NOT A CEREAL!

I know I am getting better and that being here is really for my own good, but I hate it here... Sneaking a fix of the Internet from the Starbucks around the corner really sucks, and I haven't been POKED in days!

I guess I'll go raid the kitchen for a bowl of cereal...


Photo Credit: Chris Hill - Fotolia.com