Acupuncturist Takes Pinterest Too Far

(Pittsburgh, Pinsylvania) February 20, 2012.  A 47 year-old Pinsylvania man has been arrested for aggravated assault after pinning 134 photographs to the body of an unsuspecting, but very patient, patient of the Always Accurate Acupuncture Center.  The suspect, Ivan Toopoke, is a licensed acupuncturist known for pointedly practicing his profession with piercing perfection prior to this point.  This is the first time he has been stuck with charges of needling a customer the wrong way.  

The patient, who's name has been withheld thanks to the privacy settings on her Facebook account, is a regular customer of the AAAC.  She dozed off during what was to be a routine session of stress relief sticking, only to awaken on pins and needles.  According to one witness, an apprentice acupuncturist, "I walked into the exam room with a cushion full of freshly sterililized needles, and there she was, covered head to toe with pictures of kitchen appliances, shoes, pasta dishes and Ikea Furniture, pinned to her as if she was a human pin-board.  It was shocking."

The witness's reference to human pin-board was on point, as it turns out.  Investigators who confiscated Mr. Toopoke's office computer found evidence of an obsession with the popular on-line pin-board, Pinterest.  Toopoke had set up more than 750 "boards" and had personally pinned or repinned more than 150,000 images since signing up for the sticky social network six days ago.  According to Detective Dick Richardson, "it appears that Mr. Toopoke was addicted to this Pinterest thing to the point where he could no longer distinguish between digital pins and real pins.  In his mind, his brutally abusive acupuncturing of this patient was merely a means of sharing the things he loves."

When asked about the source of the 134 images pinned to the victim, Detective Richardson noted that CSI's involved in the case had photographed for evidence a large refrigerator in the Acupuncture Office that was suspiciously devoid of any cut out pictures on it, despite the presence of a large number of small magnets.  The acupuncturist Toopoke may face jail time as well as revocation of both his acupuncturist license and his Pinterest account.  He has been sent to the prominent Social Networking Rehab facility, INVITATIONS, for observation.  The victim is expected to fully recover, and has asked if she could keep several of the photos of shoes and furniture for future reference.

A spokesperson for Pinterest was not available for comment on the incident.

Photo Credit: © Eric Isselée - Fotolia.com

Social Media Addiction Update: Google + and MySpace Minus

Most businesses rely on supply and demand, and the Social Networking Rehab business is no different. Fortunately, with the continued growth of Twitter, Facebook and other social networks, there has been no shortage of needy patients to fill the beds at INVITATIONS, the nation's premiere social networking recovery facility. For the past four years we have helped countless geeks and early adopters beat their need to tweet and revoke their desire to poke. Our highly trained staff has mastered the 140 steps needed for rehabilitation from the scourge of Social Networking addiction. However, we are presently faced with a new challenge putting stress on the status update... There's a new drug in town, and it's being spread by an all-powerful dealer who already has its runners and gang members on the digital corners of everyone's neighborhood. The new addiction is to something bigger than even the behemoth Google. The new addiction is Google +.

Pluses and Minuses

Google + is already running circles around the other addictive social networks. Formerly reformed Social Networking addicts such as Robert Scoble and Chris Brogan have already been spotted spending hours huddling and hanging out in the digital alleyways of Google +. The seductive allure of G+ invitations via Gmail have lured countless others to throw caution to the wind and take a toke of the "G", just to "see what it's like..." Some are inhaling more than others. Some have already succumbed wholeheartedly to the perils of Google + and have been found wandering aimlessly through the Interwebs, leaving a sloppy trail of +1's in their self-destructive path. Interventions are already leading to applications for a stint of Social Networking Rehab. Beds at INVITATIONS are in high demand.

Making Space

Fortunately, we have good news for early adopters needing a little less "+." Due to a steady decline in patients suffering from MySpace addiction, the staff at INVITATIONS has decided to permanently close the MySpace wing and re-open it with a new program fully dedicated to serving patients whose over-dependence on Google + has become a minus in other aspects of their professional and personal lives. The opening of the Google + treatment program at INVITATIONS is already making waves in rehab circles and causing quite a buzz. If you, or someone you care about, is in denial about a Google + dependency, help is now just an INVITATION away.

Top 10 Reasons I Am STILL Addicted To Twitter (and Social Networking)

Hello, my name is Jeff and lo and behold, I am still an addict...

It has been a while since I've written here.  Mostly because I thought I was cured. I thought I had kicked the habit.  I thought I was safely on the wagon.  I thought my character had advanced beyond the need for 140 characters.  I thought my status had been elevated above the need to constantly update my status.  I thought I could wait for the DVD to see THE SOCIAL NETWORK.  I thought I was strong enough to resist temptation, to turn down the inviting lure of the Twittersphere... to face-off against Facebook... but alas, I was wrong.

As the decade of social networking decadence winds down, I find myself back in need of a visit to Social Networking Rehab.  To prepare myself for a fresh start in 2011, I am in need of another visit to INVITATIONS, the nation's premiere Social Networking Recovery Facility...  I came to understand my need for an intervention as I reflected upon the year past and discovered, much to my own chagrin...

THE TOP 10 REASONS I AM STILL ADDICTED TO TWITTER (and SOCIAL NETWORKING)

10. When booking a hotel room recently, I asked if the HOOTSUITE was available.

9.  Every-time I hear that there has been an earthquake somewhere in the world I wonder how strong it was on the SEESMIC scale (and I am in awe that @Loic has time to study Geology and run LeWeb...)

8.  When filling out a loan application and they asked for "NET WORTH" I entered my KLOUT score.

7.  I have 50 Apps on my Android phone, and 25 of them are TWITTER CLIENTS.

6. When I order potatoes at a restaurant I insist that they must be MASHABLE.

5. I have come to believe that my middle initial is "@" (Jeff @Sass)

4. I have seen the FAIL WHALE more times than there are pages in MOBY DICK.

3. When I want to know where my kids are and what they are doing, I go to their FACEBOOK pages first.

2.  I look for a "LIKE" button on items on the shelves at brick and mortar stores.

And the #1 Reason I am still addicted to Twitter and Social Networking...

1. I can't stop refreshing TWITTER to see how many times this post has been re-tweeted!

How about you?  Are you STILL addicted to Twitter and Social Networking???

Photo Credit: © Vladir09 - Fotolia.com, © fizzgig - Fotolia.com

A Twitter Addict Takes The First Step...

I'm Jeff an I'm an addict. My drug of choice? Real-time data and the devices I use to suck in constant digital streams of data like so many virtual intravenous drips in the digital tubes that feed my my need.  Since I am an addict I behave like one, and thus I have let you down, you, my cohorts in Crime, my fellow social networking junkies... past, present and future patients of INVITATIONS.

How have I let you down?  First off, I have been neglecting this blog, selfishly feeding my own addictions, checking out of here while checking in to Foursquare and Gowalla.  Tweeting and re-tweeting instead of sharing with you here.  In December I invited you to contribute to a collection of 140 steps to cure your Social Media addiction, and many of you indeed did step up and share your tips for tackling Twitter.  Here are a few of your suggestions:

@mhillaert: I do have an addiction... and when I need to take a break, I have my friend hide my phone somewhere I will not be able to find it. That's the only way I can say good-bye for any significant period of time :)

@metzgerbusiness: Get a wife who calls you a dork and annoying for posting too often. Then do as I do - smile at her and post a comment about your wife thinking you're annoying for posting too many comments.

@stevegarfield: Travel somewhere with limited connectivity so you can realize that you don't need to be connected all the time. In Ireland you can go to a pub, enjoy a nice cold Guinness, and not check in on foursquare. You don't have to take a photo of the beer, and upload the photo to flickr, twitter and Yelp! You'll live without social media.

@alohalavina: No pockets to carry a phone when at the beach and no ringing allowed at the golf course. I have a great tan as a result.

These are all great ways to combat Social Media and Twitter addiction one Tweet at a time, but they are a long way from 140 Steps...

Please continue to add your steps to this post and as soon as I reach 140 Steps I will publish the ebook!  (Promise!) The fate of the Twitterverse is in your hands!  Together we can make a difference (or at least Tweet about it!)

Photo Credit: © fizzgig - Fotolia.com

140 Small Steps For Man (And A Giant Leap For Social Networking Rehab)

As announced here, early in 2010 we will be publishing an eBook of "140 Steps To Cure Your Twitter (and Social Networking) Addiction" and we are looking for YOU to help us compile the 140 best steps toward recovery.  So please, look in the mirror, admit you have a problem, and then SHARE your suggested road to rehabilitation in the comments below, or in the comments at this post.

The staff at INVITATIONS started collecting steps for the book at a recent Miami Tweetup and we present a few of your suggestions in this Public Service Announcement:



Thanks to Jeff Pulver, Chris Heuer, Kristie Wells, Yvette Ferry, Alex DeCarvalho, Maria De Los Angeles, and everyone else who was willing to raise their hand and face their addiction head on...

To be continued...

140 Steps To Cure Your Social Networking Addiction

12 steps are clearly not enough to address the ravages of Social Networking Addiction. With mobile phones placing Twitter and Facebook in our pockets, and everyone we ever associated with from grade school to grad school now friending and tweeting us 24/7 with all things arcane, mundane and inane, it is virtually impossible to escape the allure of the drug we call "Social Networking." 12 Steps - the traditional guiding principles outlining a course of action for recovery - may work for substance abuse, but they can't hold a ceremonial candle to the substantial abuse that is Social Networking addiction.

YOUR INVITATION FOR HELP

For several years now the staff at INVITATIONS, the Nation's Premiere Social Networking Recovery facility, have recognized that the original 12 steps were challenged when it comes to Social Media. For example, Step 8, "Make a list of all the persons we harmed with our addiction..." was great until Twitter added the new LISTS feature. Once our patients started using Twitter Lists to create lists of the folks their addiction affected "Step 8" lost some of its healing luster. As if that wasn't enough of a challenge, patients who thought @Scobleizer was their higher power were devastated when he went and unfollowed everyone, cutting the cult of Scoble off at the knees. We may be able to admit we are powerless over Social Networking and that our lives have become unmanageable, but we need more than 12 steps to lead us to the light. We need 140 steps to cure Social Networking Addiction, and we need your help to develop them.

STEP UP AND ADD A STEP!

Who better to develop a 140 step program than the folks who will benefit the most from it. Who better to define the cure than those suffering from the disease. Who better to help me come up with 140 clever and witty steps to a clean, social networking free existence than those whose very existence is dominated by social media. That's right, YOU!

If you are in need of Social Networking Rehab, you can join in and help us create the definitive 140 Step Program. Please add your suggested step in the comments. Between now and the end of the year we will be collecting, reviewing and testing your steps on the patients at INVITATIONS. Then, in January 2010, we will ring in the New Year by publishing an eBook detailing "140 Steps To Cure Your Social Networking Addiction" with the best of your submissions.

What steps are you taking to cure your Social Networking habit??? Please share them in the comments and you will have the chance to be included in the eBook next year! If you have friends who are addicted (and you know you do) please share this and ask them to contribute their "Steps" too!

UPDATE: We have released a new PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT video, with some steps recommended by some of you at a recent Miami TweetUp.

Photo Credit: © chinti - Fotolia.com

The 7 Phases Of Twitter: A Chronology

If you are reading this, there is a good chance you, too, are addicted to Twitter. Why else would you be visiting something called Social Networking Rehab? If you came here because of a link in a Tweet, or a Facebook Status message you are even more deserving of a 28 day stay at INVITATIONS, the Nation's Premiere Social Networking Rehab Facility. You may want to take a moment to fill out an application.

TWITTER: A VICIOUS CYCLE

While for some of you Twitter may be your latest vice, many of the Twitterholics who have visited INVITATIONS have been around since the beginning and have been good Twittizens for several years. Over time it seems that our addiction takes us through a cycle of Twitter usage that represents the full circle of 140 character fixes. The therapists here at INVITATIONS have coined this cycle "The 7 Phases of Twitter" and herewith is a brief timeline of the 7 steps that may lead to your need for 12 steps!

THE 7 PHASES OF TWITTER:

Phase One: "What Are You Doing?
Your earliest Tweets, wherein we attempt to turn plain into pithy...

Example Tweet: "I am eating tuna fish on rye."

Phase Two: "The Announcement"
In this stage we realize that Twitter can be used to broadcast our other inane activities...

Example Tweet: "Hey, read my blog, will ya? www.mystupidblog.blogspot.com/readitwillya"

Phase Three: "The Conversation"
When other folks start replying to our inanities, we move to this stage and start @replying, boring the rest of the Twittersphere with the ability to follow only one half of a conversation...

Example Tweet: "@soandso Lol. Yeah, I agree! ;-)"

Phase Four: "The Missing Link"
WOW. Just because we are limited to 140 characters doesn't mean we can't link EVERYWHERE! Thanks TinyUrl, Bit.ly, etc...

Example Tweet: "Cool Site with cool stuff! http://tinyurl.com/fbrehab"

Phase Five: "Smokin' Hashtags"
As if sharing links weren't enough to make Twitter de.licio.us, we soon realize we can one-up URL shorteners and add searchable #hastags to our tweets!

Example Tweet: "Cool. I am going fishing today. #fishing #iloveboats #waterboundhookers"

Phase 6: "The Re-Tweet"
Why rely on our own cleverness when we are a click away from using someone else's wit for our own Twit!

Example Tweet: "RT @sass The 7 Phases of Twitter! (Awesome,, but why am I re-tweeting myself?)"

Phase 7: "What are you doing?"
And of course, after experimenting with broadcasting, conversating, sharing links, hashing things out, and spreading the word of others, we come back full circle to the simplicity of where it all started...

Example Tweet: "Wondering if I should Tweet that I am eating tuna fish on rye..."

Which phase are you in? Are there additional phases that should be added to the cycle?

Photo Credit: © Milos Willing - Fotolia.com

Doctors Announce First Successful Human FACEBOOK Transplant

(Palo Alto, California) May 25, 2009. A team of doctors and surgeons from the nation's leading medical institutions have joined forces to perform the world's first human Facebook transplant, it was announced today by Dr. Prayim Fomofriends, lead surgeon on the procedure. Dr. Fomofriends, on loan from the prestigious Mayo Naise Clinic in Boise, Idaho, called the groundbreaking surgery an undeniable success. The patient, who's identity is being kept confidential in accordance with prevailing Internet privacy policies, is recuperating at an undisclosed location, rumored to be INVITATIONS, the nation's premiere Social Networking Recovery Facility.

FROM FACES TO FACEBOOK

While to date there have been two well documented and successful human face transplants, this marks the first time doctors have successfully transplanted a Facebook account from one person to another, including all friends, news feeds, groups, and even such delicate details such as the Fun Wall and other inane applications. The patient is expected to recover fully and regain, in time, complete use of the new Facebook account, including poking, and eventually, the ability to update statuses, even from a mobile phone or linked Twitter account. The donor, who has elected to remain anonymous, is said to be a former "A-List" blogger who amassed a Facebook following of the maximum 5,000 friends and then became disillusioned by the limitation. In a prepared statement the donor commented, "I am just grateful that my so-called friends can now be put to good use in the account of someone who really needs them. I wish more people would consider becoming organization donors."

PROTESTING THE PROCEDURE

While the procedure has been heralded by some as a true medical breakthrough and an example of the future of cosmetic social surgery, as with anything controversial the transplant also has its detractors. Protesters have already gathered outside of the INVITATIONS recovery facility with signs claiming, "IF GOD HAD WANTED US TO TRANSPLANT OUR FACEBOOK ACCOUNTS HE WOULD NOT HAVE CREATED PASSWORDS." Ironically, there are already several groups on Facebook that have been formed to rally against the medical community and denounce the transplanting of accounts. When interviewed, the leader of one of the protest groups, who refused to reveal his identity, stated, "This surgery is sacrilege! What's next? Surgically altering Twitter to allow messages of more than 140 characters??? Where do we draw the line???"

THE FACE(BOOK) OF THINGS TO COME

At a press conference held outside Facebook headquarters, Dr. Fomofriends was accompanied by a family member of the patient who tearfully stated, "Thanks to these amazing doctors, my unnamed relative can look forward to a full life ahead, rich with friends and a Facebook account they can hold high and be proud of. No more gawking and pointing at their weak and tattered account. No more pity pokes. It is truly a miracle!" Although the entire procedure was captured via Qik on Dr. Fomofriend's jail broken iPhone, because of the graphic nature of the surgery, it has not been decided if the images will be made publicly available. However, the patient has said they do plan to post everything to their new Facebook account once they are fully healed.

For more information about the surgery, or to place yourself on a waiting list for the procedure, please contact Dr. Prayim Fomofriends, care of INVITATIONS, or add your name in comment section for this article.

Photo Credit: © Yuri Arcurs - Fotolia.com

Day 484: Put Your Twitter Addiction To Good Use!

A Public Service Announcement:




For more information about @wellwishes, @tipjoy and how you can contribute $2.00 and feed your Twitter addiction at the same time, please visit Pistachio Consulting.

Special Thanks to Chris Heuer, Kristie Wells, Alex DeCarvalho, Alex Harris and everyone at the Social Media Club South Florida who participated in this PSA.

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• Frozen Peas Public Service Announcement:

Day 366: The Year In Rehab Review

"They tried to make me go to Rehab, I said "No, No, No..."

-- Amy Winehouse


"They said I needed Twitter Rehab, I said "Yes, Yes, Yes!"

-- Jeffrey Sass

It has been a full year since I admitted myself to the INVITATIONS Social Networking Rehab facility. Several thousand tweets later I am still here. Wiser? Yes. Less addicted? Well...

A year ago there was the just the Twittergram. Today there are numerous services that put Twitter on steroids: Seesmic, Utterz, TwitPic, Qik, 12Seconds, and many more all seamlessly connect rich media to Twitter, creating a veritable social media speedball! Temptation is everywhere. And that is without even mentioning Facebook and Friendfeed! What's an addict to do???

IN THE BEGINNING...

How did I end up here? It all started with this video I posted to Facebook a year ago:





Having finally admitted I had a problem, I started on a 28 day journey that has lasted a year... I was fortunate to find INVITATIONS after getting rejected by PROMISES in Malibu for not being a Celebrity.

One of my first tasks after being admitted to rehab was to help produce a Public Service Announcement to promote INVITATIONS, and spread the word about the evils of Social Networking addiction.

Here is the PSA from last year:




Remember QUECHUP? It didn't matter if it was a scam or just spam, it was crushed by a community wide kabosh. If we only knew then what we know now. Although Twitter-bots and Twitter spam may now be on the rise, spam is only one of the Perils of using Twitter, as highlighted in another PSA:



So here I am, entering my second year of rehab with callouses on my Twitter fingers and a cap on the number of folks I can follow. Is that going to stop me from imbibing in my social media?

No way!

Day 303: A Twitter Addicts' Guide To Social Media Services

Call me Ishmael...

With all the WHALE images I have seen on Twitter lately, I can't help but recall MOBY DICK... And like Captain Ahab, there are times when I can't help wanting to exact revenge and harpoon that (not so) elusive whale...

LOTS OF NEW FISH IN THE FISHBOWL

One of the problems the hardcore patients here at the INVITATIONS Social Networking Rehab facility have is to keep the staff from finding out about all the different new SocNets. What they don't know won't hurt us! So, while Twitter and Facebook are recognized as being among the leading drugs of choice for the Social Networking junkie, some of the newer SocNet strains are still foreign to the doctors and therapists here. With that in mind, a few fellow patients and I have prepared an emergency glossary to use to throw the staff off guard and keep them from discovering (and potentially ruining) our latest shiny objects.

Therefore, should any healthcare officials ask you about one of these services, here are the answers you should provide:

What is...

PLURK: The sound the Twitter whale makes when it blows...(and seeing that whale really does blow!)

FRIENDFEED: The hors d'oeuvres served at one of Mike Arrington's (in)famous TechCrunch parties...

POWNCE: The act of jumping on top of one of your Twitter friends when you meet them in Real Life for the first time...

JAIKU: Jewish poetry consisting of 5 syllables, followed by 7 syllables, followed by 5 Yiddish words...

UTTERZ: Cow parts that very few Geeks have ever touched...

SEESMIC: What Keith Richards does when he turns toward Jagger...

QIK: A quicker way to spell "quick."

MYSPACE: What Rupert Murdock calls the Internet.

LINKEDIN: The 16th President of the United States, often referred to as "Honest Abe."

PLAXO: An industrial strength cleaning solution effective at whitewashing your contact list.


If you have your own definitions for these and other services, please add them to the comments!

Day 127: Breakfast of ChamPEAons!

As my 28 days of Social Networking Rehab have become 127, it is clear that 12 steps is a much greater distance than it sounds like. In the old days, a guy would walk a mile for a Camel. Today, I'd walk a lot farther than that to find a decent Internet connection to check my Twitter and Facebook accounts!

"Social Networks are the new Nicotine and Twitter is my favorite brand of smokes!"

THERE IS STRENGTH IN NUMBERS

As proven by the popularity of PodCamps, BarCamps, TweetUps, Social Media Breakfasts and other "events," it seems that those of us who are truly addicted to Social Networking like to hang out together (mostly to compare digital cameras, Blackberries and mobile phones as we Twitter, Seesmic and Utterz "live" to everyone else who is NOT there).

But Social Networking Addiction is not always a bad thing. In addition to keeping the staff at INVITATIONS gainfully employed, social networking addicts, by nature of their close and constant connections, are perfectly positioned to join forces and rally for a cause. If we are going to fall off the wagon, we might as well join the bandwagon! And join the bandwagon we did! (and for a very worthy cause)

GOING GREEN IS NOT AN AL GORE EXCLUSIVE!

Peas. Peas, not global warming, is the cause that has caused the greening of Twitter. At this point, if you don't know what I am talking about you are either a pea-brain, or you are clearly not enough of a social networking addict to be considered for admission to rehab at INVITATIONS. (Okay, I apologize for the pea-brain comment. That was uncalled for - hey, I'm an addict, AND I can't resist a corny pun... It is GOOD if you didn't know what I was talking about beforehand, because NOW you do! Please forgive me and read on...)

Peas have become Twitter's pink ribbon of support for those facing the challenges of cancer, inspired by a fellow Twittizen, Susan Reynolds (@susanreynolds) and her own unexpected breast cancer diagnosis earlier this month. The frozen peas Susan used to comfort herself physically have become the symbolic peas we have added to our Twitter avatars (Pea-Vatars) to comfort Susan in other ways.

With peas on the brain (I guess I am the pea brain!) the INVITATIONS Social Networking Recovery Facility is pleased to be the sponsor of a new "Pea-S-A" Public Service Announcement, shot on location at the RASCAL HOUSE in Sunny Isles Beach, Florida. Thanks to fine Twittizens Jeff Pulver (@jeffpulver), Florian Seroussi (@florianseroussi), Steven Buehler (@revtriste) and Jonathan Gluck (@JonGluck) for their apPEArance in the segment.

And please, after watching the Pea-S-A, visit www.frozenpeafund.com and see how you can contribute. Pretty peas?




Video By Jeffrey Sass. Peas in a Spoon photo by Ashley Whitworth, Fotolia.com

Send This Video to your PHONE! Text "JEFFSASS PeaSA" to 69937 (MYXER) or click below:

More videos from JWS at Myxer!

Day 107: Get Your INVITATION! The Steps to Social Networking Rehab

Clearly my rehabilitation is not going well. 28 days has turned into 107 and I am still battling my Social Networking Addiction. The good news is that I am not alone. The beds at INVITATIONS are full, and the waiting list for admittance is growing faster than a line of geeks at an Apple store the night before a new product release.

GETTING PULVER-IZED

I was recently in Boston and had the chance to attend one of Jeff Pulver's Real-Time Social Networking events. With "live" human poking and tagging and everyone wearing Name Tags with their Twitter or Facebook names, this might as well have been an official SNAA (Social Networking Addicts Anonymous) meeting. Of course, by definition, a group of SOCIAL networkers are hardly anonymous! With Jeff P as the fearless leader, the event was an outstanding recruitment vehicle for INVITATIONS. Camera in-hand, I seized the moment to interview a number of folks who are ripe for a 28 day "vacation" in Social Networking Rehab.

A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

Here is the resulting Public Service Announcement. Thanks to the patience of soon to be patients: Todd Van Hoosear, Chris Brogan, Jesse Baer, Jeff Glasson, Jeff Pulver, Scott Monty, Joe Cascio, Ann Handley, Michelle Wolverton, Nate Aune, and Doug Haslam. For your cooperation, you are all entitled to one free group therapy session during your next stay at INVITATIONS.



Send this video to your phone. Click the button

or Text "JeffSass PSA3" to "69937" (MYXER)

Day 43: Top 10 Reasons YOU Need Social Networking Rehab

(This post was inspired by Laura Fitton (@pistachio) and Lorri Randle (@mediajoltz) while we were Tweeting things up together in Ontario at the PNME. If you can say "YES" to four or more of the items below, then YOU should seriously consider joining me for an extended stay at INVITATIONS, the Nation's Premiere Social Networking Recovery Facility.)

Top 10 Reasons YOU Need Social Networking Rehab:

10. You have tried to email or IM someone by typing "@theirname".

9. You had to Friend your Physician on Facebook in order to make a Doctor's appointment.

8. You know who Robert Scoble is.

7. Without counting, you can instinctively form cohesive sentences of 140 characters or less.

6. You know who Dave Winer is and don't think RSS is a Cruise Line.

5. You have Twittered someone while they were physically less than 10 feet away from you.

4. You don't think Steve Rubel was one of the founders of STUDIO 54.

3. You left your baby in a car seat on the roof of your minivan because you were responding to an @Yourname Tweet on your Blackberry.

2. You are stressed out trying to figure out how to fit all your Facebook friends at the table for Thanksgiving.

And the number 1 reason YOU need Social Networking Rehab...

1. You are reading this post (and you linked to it from a Twitter message!)


Photo Credit: hazel proudlove - Fotolia.com

Day 29: A Token of Depreciation...

It's Day 29! Where's my bleepin' keychain??? I was politely told by the staff here at INVITATIONS that I did NOT earn my 28 days of Social Networking sobriety Token. I DID get a TechCrunch token, but that was part of the problem. You see, I was granted an outpatient leave to attend the TechCrunch40 conference in San Francisco. I promised to be on my best behavior and stay clean... I swore to my sponsor that I was going on a business trip and I would NOT be using Facebook or Twitter. Yeah right...

"THE HALLS ARE ALIVE... WITH THE SOUND OF TWITTER..."

How could a Social Networking addict resist such temptations? I had barely arrived at the Palace Hotel when I ran into @chrisbrogan - a Twitter Rockstar! Then, my lips still moist from kissing Brogan's ring, who do I see standing in the hallway but @scobleizer, Twittizen extraordinaire! As one of more than 5,ooo @strangers that Robert Scoble follows, I knew he would surely be delighted to meet ME! After all, we are tight, Scoble and I. I was practically right there with him at the birth of his beautiful new son, Milan. I knew all about the new camera he had around his neck. We've bonded 140 characters at a time, countless times!

WAGON? WHAT WAGON???

TechCrunch40 was gonna be great... and without hesitation, my rehab went out the window. I snuck into a dark corridor of the Palace, where I saw Fatblogger Jason Calacanis sneaking an oatmeal raisin cookie. We shared a knowing nod, and as soon as Jason left, wiping the telltale crumbs off the corners of his mouth, I dug deep into my pocket and withdrew my fix. My trusty Treo 755p. In moments I felt release. I was in. I was Twittering about my encounters with my fellow Twittizens at TechCrunch. Ahhhh...

TWEETUP IN MEATSPACE!

My addiction reached new heights in San Francisco, as I extended my abuse beyond cyberspace and into "meatspace" by attending my first TweetUp -- a gathering of humans who, freed from the constraints of keyboards and SMS are enabled to share food, drink, and even speak in lengthy sentences. Yes, at a TweetUp you get to meet the Characters behind the 140 characters. Talk about a rush! It was great to see so many @'s in person. @CreativeSage even wore her iconic "hat" from her Facebook and Twitter profile pics, adding another dimension to the experience.

So, it is quite clear that my recovery will take far longer than 28 days... but I will get that Token or Keychain sooner or later! (And when I do, I will let you know by Twittering about it!)

Day 22: AA For Social Networking Addicts!

Its day 22 of Social Networking Rehab. I thought I was at the home stretch until today. American Airlines has become my enabler. As I mentioned in this Twittergram, I am on my way to San Francisco for TechCrunch40 (which is NOT a Cereal!). My 2:45pm direct flight from MIA was cancelled for "mechanical problems" leaving me to standby for a 4:20 pm flight via Dallas. Naturally, I did not get on the standby flight, leaving me sitting here waiting for a 7:20 flight to DFW, getting me into SFO a little before Midnight.

What's a Social Networking Addict to do????

SMILE and THANK AMERICAN AIRLINES! This is far more valuable than my frequent flyer miles. I have almost SIX HOURS of uninterrupted, guilt-free Social Networking! I have my laptop and Sprint wireless broadband card, a seat near an electrical outlet, Facebook and Twitter open before me, coffee and alcohol readily available. So what if I won't get any rest or sleep before my busy TechCrunch schedule. I am in Social Networking heaven!!! No kids or dogs to interrupt. Just you, me and my laptop!

Thank you American Airlines! You can fuck up my travel schedule anytime!

Day 21: Mash? Mosh? Mush!

It's day 21, and as I mentioned in a Twittergram, I feel I am constantly being taunted! How can I ever expect to get clean if every day there is a new network on every street corner.... taunting, teasing and tempting me. Yahoo, take your MASH away! Nokia, stick to making phones and squash MOSH! All these new networks are making my mind into MUSH!

What's a Social Networking Addict to do?

It's bad enough, thanks to my Treo, that I catch myself Twittering in the bathroom, while driving, while walking, at the gym. I am quite adept at "thumb typing." Now I find as long as one hand is free, no matter what I am doing I am able to Twitter away. (And "Twittering with one hand" has NO sexual connotations, thank you very much!)

This is bad... very bad. Clearly the meds they have me on here at INVITATIONS are not doing a thing...

Perhaps I'll have to seek a homeopathic remedy. Any ideas???


Photo Credit: Ljupco Smokovski - Fotolia.com

Day 19: TechCrunch is NOT a Cereal!

Ok, it is confirmed. The staff here at INVITATIONS are complete idiots. How can they claim to be "The Nation's Premiere Social Networking Recovery Facility" when they have NO CLUE about what's going on. To understand an addict, you need to walk in an addict's shoes... To understand a Social Networking addict, you should at the very least have a Twitter account! Is that too much to ask?

I sent a Twittergram this morning but the end of it got cut off. I was talking with my Therapist and I told her, "Hey, Guy Kawasaki is on Twitter now!" I was pumped. Guy's a RockStar. The so-called "expert" Therapist looked at me puzzled and said, "You mean the motorcycle???"

NOTE TO THERAPIST: GUY KAWASAKI IS NOT A MOTORCYCLE!

As if that wasn't bad enough, I had to explain that I needed an outpatient pass for a few days for TechCrunch40. She told me that they had a fully stocked kitchen, but if I wanted a certain special brand of cereal she would be happy to order it for me...

NOTE TO THERAPIST: TECHCRUNCH IS NOT A CEREAL!

I know I am getting better and that being here is really for my own good, but I hate it here... Sneaking a fix of the Internet from the Starbucks around the corner really sucks, and I haven't been POKED in days!

I guess I'll go raid the kitchen for a bowl of cereal...


Photo Credit: Chris Hill - Fotolia.com

Day 16: The Social Networking Gene...

It is day 16. I am more than halfway through my recovery. It is kind of quiet here at INVITATIONS since the Crackberry wing is practically empty. All the Celebrities checked out to go to Vegas for the VMA's. After seeing Britney's performance, I bet most of them wished they had stayed here. At least when the docs, nurses, therapists and counselors here start yellin' at you, there's no question they aren't lip syncing! Oops. She really did it again, didn't she!

As I mentioned in this morning's Twittergram, I am faced with the prospect that I may have passed this terrible disease of Social Networking Addiction onto my children. I have started to see the signs in my youngest, my daughter. At 16 she can thumb type on her SideKick like Mavis Beacon after two double espressos! I am pretty certain she is using MySpace when I am not around. On more than one occasion, when I came home from work I noticed her dilated pupils from staring at the Computer Monitor. I hope and pray that she doesn't discover Twitter! I fear that Twitter may be a gateway social network, and may lead to her using more powerful and addictive social media, like Facebook, where her usage won't be limited to short doses of 140 characters. Once she crosses that line, she may be lost forever.

I will have to keep a close watch on who her friends are. I better not recognize any of their usernames!

Day 14: Community Service Hours... Made a PSA!

Woohoo! It's day 14 -- I am halfway through my Recovery! Woot!

As I mentioned in this morning's Twittergram, today I was assigned a Community Service project. They had me create a Public Service Announcement about the growing problem of Social Networking addiction. To me it looks more like a damn commercial for this place!

As Chris Brogan would say, "what do you think?"