Day 484: Put Your Twitter Addiction To Good Use!

A Public Service Announcement:




For more information about @wellwishes, @tipjoy and how you can contribute $2.00 and feed your Twitter addiction at the same time, please visit Pistachio Consulting.

Special Thanks to Chris Heuer, Kristie Wells, Alex DeCarvalho, Alex Harris and everyone at the Social Media Club South Florida who participated in this PSA.

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• Frozen Peas Public Service Announcement:

Day 419: Twittolympics! Let The Games Begin!

During the summer, while the rest of you were vacationing, I was spending most of my time in Twitter Rehab here at INVITATIONS. During my most painful bouts of Twitter withdrawal, I had nothing much to do but watch TV and the popular summer mini-series about Michael Phelps (otherwise known as The Olympics). At the time, as I was Jonesing for an opportunity to Tweet, frankly, seeing Michael Phelps turn Mark Spitz's Gold Medal record into spittle was hardly a reasonable facsimile for staring at a flat screen monitor filled with pages of friendly tweets. What's an addict to do?

IF YOU CAN'T TWEET 'EM, JOIN 'EM!

As I fantasized about my next chance to sneak in a fix of Tweeting on my Treo or iPod Touch, I started to think about an alternate Olympics consisting of social media events - call it the "Twittolympics!"

Here are some of the events I imagined:

140 Character Sprint: How fast can you complete a 140 character Tweet. World record holder is @pistachio with 0 - 140 characters in 8.3 seconds!

140 Character Relay: Four athletes from each competing team hand off a Blackberry Curve duct-taped to a baton after completing a perfect 140 character Tweet. The current record holding "Dream Team" from USA features @scobleizer, @jasoncalacanis, @techcrunch, with the final leg held by @davewiner.

DM-athalon: The first contestant to complete a series of direct messages (with return responses) to each of three random Twittizens wins the gold. Current recorld holder is @leolaporte, who is annoyed at winning the one event without TWIT in its name...

Synchronized Tweeting: Competing teams must complete the same 140 character Tweet in unison (and at the same time!)

Twittathalon: The contestants must complete three consecutive Tweets, one from a Blackberry, one from a desktop PC, and finally one from an iPhone. The fastest combined time, with points off for misspellings, wins! Current record holder, @chrisbrogan, with one hand tied behind his back!

Tabletop Tweeting: Competitors must Tweet back and forth from both sides of a ping pong table, lobbing Twitter messages by tossing an iPhone across the net.

Twittathon: Competitors must complete a grueling course of 26 consecutive 140 character Tweets. Current world record holder is the UK's @mashable, who completed the course in less time than it took to down a pint of Guinness!

Disqus Throw: See how far you can toss your blog comments! Current record holder, by a mile, @fredwilson of the USA.

What do you think? Are you ready to go for the Twitter Gold? Are you ready to mettle with my Medals? What other social media events would you like to see in the Twittolympics? Please add your ideas in the comments.

And if you think you are ready for Twitter Rehab, you can fill out an application for INVITATIONS here.


Medals Photo Credit: MTC Media - Fotolia.com

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Day 366: The Year In Rehab Review

"They tried to make me go to Rehab, I said "No, No, No..."

-- Amy Winehouse


"They said I needed Twitter Rehab, I said "Yes, Yes, Yes!"

-- Jeffrey Sass

It has been a full year since I admitted myself to the INVITATIONS Social Networking Rehab facility. Several thousand tweets later I am still here. Wiser? Yes. Less addicted? Well...

A year ago there was the just the Twittergram. Today there are numerous services that put Twitter on steroids: Seesmic, Utterz, TwitPic, Qik, 12Seconds, and many more all seamlessly connect rich media to Twitter, creating a veritable social media speedball! Temptation is everywhere. And that is without even mentioning Facebook and Friendfeed! What's an addict to do???

IN THE BEGINNING...

How did I end up here? It all started with this video I posted to Facebook a year ago:





Having finally admitted I had a problem, I started on a 28 day journey that has lasted a year... I was fortunate to find INVITATIONS after getting rejected by PROMISES in Malibu for not being a Celebrity.

One of my first tasks after being admitted to rehab was to help produce a Public Service Announcement to promote INVITATIONS, and spread the word about the evils of Social Networking addiction.

Here is the PSA from last year:




Remember QUECHUP? It didn't matter if it was a scam or just spam, it was crushed by a community wide kabosh. If we only knew then what we know now. Although Twitter-bots and Twitter spam may now be on the rise, spam is only one of the Perils of using Twitter, as highlighted in another PSA:



So here I am, entering my second year of rehab with callouses on my Twitter fingers and a cap on the number of folks I can follow. Is that going to stop me from imbibing in my social media?

No way!

Day 342: Really Quitting Twitter

That's it. I have been in and out of the INVITATIONS Social Networking Rehab facility for nearly a year and I have yet to be able to beat this addiction. Group therapy, medication, sensory deprivation treatments, acupuncture, dial-up Internet access... nothing seems to work. After a heated discussion with my Social Networking Shrink we have come to the only logical conclusion: I must really quit Twitter "Cold Turkey!"

STEP ONE: EMPTY THE DRAWERS & CABINETS...

If I was trying to quit smoking I would rid the house of cigarrettes... If I was trying to stop drinking I would rid the house of alcohol. Since I must quit Twitter I have to rid the house of Twitter clients. Easier said than done...

Desktop and Laptop Computers: I uninstalled TwitBin, Snitter, Twhirl, Tweetdeck and OutTwit...

Treo 755p: I removed bookmarks to m.twitter.com and Slandr...

iPod Touch: I deleted Twitterific, Twinkle, Twitter, iTweet, Hahlo, MeTweets, Summize/Twitter Search, Twittelator and Twittervision...

There. Done.

OUT OF SITE, NOT OUT OF MIND...

But wait. I may be able to remove Twitter from my devices, but I can't remove Twitter from my mind:

I wake up in the morning and wonder where @jeffpulver is having breakfast...

I sip my East Coast morning coffee envisioning @techcrunch still up, Tweeting away after having pulled yet another all-nighter in favor of a breaking tech story...

I wonder if @jchutchins is saying "Welcome Up" or if @scobleizer has posted another tweet about the conversation on Friendfeed... in shades of Louis Gray...

At night I dream in 140 characters or less...

During the day I fantasize... Is @davewiner whining? Is @jasoncalacanis saying Aloha or Mahalo? Does @NickStarr still like boys? What size shoe does @zappos wear?

I snack on @pistachio nuts and write lists of 100 helpful Tweets I would send to @chrisbrogan if I were only on Twitter...

I even write poetry:

AN ODE TO QUITTING TWITTER
by Jeffrey Sass

I tried to quit Twitter and do it Cold Turkey,
My fingers now jitter and my hands are all jerky.

I don't see how I will ever land on my feet,
If I must pass my days without a single Tweet.

I wonder what all my friends are thinking,
Who are they "@-ing"... where are they linking?

I'm feeling depressed, it's more than I can swallow,
No Tweeple to love, no people to follow.

I miss the Fail Whale, my life is in the shitter...
How can I go on without any Twitter???

Uh-oh, the night orderly is here with my meds... gotta go. If you had to quit Twitter "Cold Turkey" how would you do it?



Photo Credit: Bozworthington - Fotolia.com

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Day 303: A Twitter Addicts' Guide To Social Media Services

Call me Ishmael...

With all the WHALE images I have seen on Twitter lately, I can't help but recall MOBY DICK... And like Captain Ahab, there are times when I can't help wanting to exact revenge and harpoon that (not so) elusive whale...

LOTS OF NEW FISH IN THE FISHBOWL

One of the problems the hardcore patients here at the INVITATIONS Social Networking Rehab facility have is to keep the staff from finding out about all the different new SocNets. What they don't know won't hurt us! So, while Twitter and Facebook are recognized as being among the leading drugs of choice for the Social Networking junkie, some of the newer SocNet strains are still foreign to the doctors and therapists here. With that in mind, a few fellow patients and I have prepared an emergency glossary to use to throw the staff off guard and keep them from discovering (and potentially ruining) our latest shiny objects.

Therefore, should any healthcare officials ask you about one of these services, here are the answers you should provide:

What is...

PLURK: The sound the Twitter whale makes when it blows...(and seeing that whale really does blow!)

FRIENDFEED: The hors d'oeuvres served at one of Mike Arrington's (in)famous TechCrunch parties...

POWNCE: The act of jumping on top of one of your Twitter friends when you meet them in Real Life for the first time...

JAIKU: Jewish poetry consisting of 5 syllables, followed by 7 syllables, followed by 5 Yiddish words...

UTTERZ: Cow parts that very few Geeks have ever touched...

SEESMIC: What Keith Richards does when he turns toward Jagger...

QIK: A quicker way to spell "quick."

MYSPACE: What Rupert Murdock calls the Internet.

LINKEDIN: The 16th President of the United States, often referred to as "Honest Abe."

PLAXO: An industrial strength cleaning solution effective at whitewashing your contact list.


If you have your own definitions for these and other services, please add them to the comments!

Day 235: Twitter Addiction is a UNIVERSAL Problem!

I recently attended a "Tweet-Up" (which is a fancy way of saying a "Twitterholics Anonymous" meeting). Typically I attend as many such gatherings as I can in order to recruit those in need of rehab. At this particular meeting, held at a secret location, I was quite surprised by the motley crew of Twitter loyalists gathered to pay tribute to that seductive siren, who calls to them 140 characters at time. Clearly, Twitter addiction impacts all walks of life... on this planet and beyond...



Special thanks to patients Todd Van Hoosear, John Keyes, and the Aliens.

Send this video to your phone. Text "JeffSass Borg" to 69937 (MYXER) or click the widget below:

More from JWS at Myxer

Day 233: Bored at Rehab so I created a NEW TWITTER GAME!

While passing the time in Twitter Rehab here at INVITATIONS I was daydreaming about Twitter and came up with an idea for a new game (and yet another way to feed my addiction -- after all, the most popular games are addictive, aren't they!) I managed to sneak my Treo with me into a supply closet to log onto Twitter and check it out.

Here's how it works:

THE NAME OF THE GAME: REPEAT TWEET!

The Objective:

To rearrange the words in a Tweet to create new meaning.

The Rules:

You must use ALL the words in the original Tweet and your resulting Tweet MUST have some reasonably intelligible meaning.

Scoring:

For the first re-wording of a Tweet (First Generation) you get 5 points.
For re-wording someone else's re-wording (Second Generation) you get 10 points.
If there is a Third Generation (re-wording someone's Second Generation) you get 15 points.

BONUS POINTS:

You get 25 BONUS POINTS if your REPEAT TWEET gets a reply from the original Tweeter (and they have no idea you just rearranged and spit back their own words.)

Some Examples:

It started with me spotting this Tweet from Chris Brogan:




To which I REPEAT TWEETed:




Soon Becky McCray joined the fray. She Tweeted:



Which of course I REPEAT TWEETed as:



Which of course COMPLETELY CONFUSED Tony Katz. You get the idea...

So, let me know what you think of REPEAT TWEET and please post your examples of REPEAT TWEETS in the comments below. Of course, if you spend too much time playing REPEAT TWEET you may need to fill out an application form for a bed here at INVITATIONS rehab. Perhaps I'll see you soon!

Day 191: 10 Ways To Handle Quitting Twitter Cold Turkey!

Whether your doctor has told you to cut out Social Networking, or you are just faced with feeling down because (once again) Twitter is down, here are some things you can do to satisfy your urges while "off Twitter." All of these methods have been carefully devised by the highly trained staff at the INVITATIONS Social Networking Recovery Facility.

10 Ways To Ease The Pain of Quitting Twitter Cold Turkey:

1) Eat lots of Peas!

2) Refer to all your cubicle mates, friends and family by "@" Firstname.

3) Buy a pet bird (to keep Tweeting for you).

4) Limit your email messages to 140 characters and make believe they are Tweets.

5) Send SMS messages to yourself describing the meal you just ate.

6) Convert every URL in your browser history into a shorter URL with TinyUrl... then try to guess which TinyUrl connects to what website... just for fun!

7) Print little stickers of your Twitter avatar and PeaVatar and use them in lieu of stamps on all your snail mail. What is "Snail Mail" you ask? Nevermind.

8) Refer to your favorite candy as a SNITTER bar.

9) Call your physician and ask if he can write you a referral for a TweetScan.

10) Go to SXSW since EVERYONE on Twitter will be there and you can actually talk instead of Tweet!

Of course, if the above suggestions still leave you with pangs of Twitter desire, you can apply for admission to a TweeTox program at INVITATIONS.

"When Twitter is offline our staff is on duty!"

Please add your own Twitter Withdrawal suggestions in the comments, and take the new poll on the sidebar!