Social Media Addiction Update: Google + and MySpace Minus

Most businesses rely on supply and demand, and the Social Networking Rehab business is no different. Fortunately, with the continued growth of Twitter, Facebook and other social networks, there has been no shortage of needy patients to fill the beds at INVITATIONS, the nation's premiere social networking recovery facility. For the past four years we have helped countless geeks and early adopters beat their need to tweet and revoke their desire to poke. Our highly trained staff has mastered the 140 steps needed for rehabilitation from the scourge of Social Networking addiction. However, we are presently faced with a new challenge putting stress on the status update... There's a new drug in town, and it's being spread by an all-powerful dealer who already has its runners and gang members on the digital corners of everyone's neighborhood. The new addiction is to something bigger than even the behemoth Google. The new addiction is Google +.

Pluses and Minuses

Google + is already running circles around the other addictive social networks. Formerly reformed Social Networking addicts such as Robert Scoble and Chris Brogan have already been spotted spending hours huddling and hanging out in the digital alleyways of Google +. The seductive allure of G+ invitations via Gmail have lured countless others to throw caution to the wind and take a toke of the "G", just to "see what it's like..." Some are inhaling more than others. Some have already succumbed wholeheartedly to the perils of Google + and have been found wandering aimlessly through the Interwebs, leaving a sloppy trail of +1's in their self-destructive path. Interventions are already leading to applications for a stint of Social Networking Rehab. Beds at INVITATIONS are in high demand.

Making Space

Fortunately, we have good news for early adopters needing a little less "+." Due to a steady decline in patients suffering from MySpace addiction, the staff at INVITATIONS has decided to permanently close the MySpace wing and re-open it with a new program fully dedicated to serving patients whose over-dependence on Google + has become a minus in other aspects of their professional and personal lives. The opening of the Google + treatment program at INVITATIONS is already making waves in rehab circles and causing quite a buzz. If you, or someone you care about, is in denial about a Google + dependency, help is now just an INVITATION away.

Day 303: A Twitter Addicts' Guide To Social Media Services

Call me Ishmael...

With all the WHALE images I have seen on Twitter lately, I can't help but recall MOBY DICK... And like Captain Ahab, there are times when I can't help wanting to exact revenge and harpoon that (not so) elusive whale...

LOTS OF NEW FISH IN THE FISHBOWL

One of the problems the hardcore patients here at the INVITATIONS Social Networking Rehab facility have is to keep the staff from finding out about all the different new SocNets. What they don't know won't hurt us! So, while Twitter and Facebook are recognized as being among the leading drugs of choice for the Social Networking junkie, some of the newer SocNet strains are still foreign to the doctors and therapists here. With that in mind, a few fellow patients and I have prepared an emergency glossary to use to throw the staff off guard and keep them from discovering (and potentially ruining) our latest shiny objects.

Therefore, should any healthcare officials ask you about one of these services, here are the answers you should provide:

What is...

PLURK: The sound the Twitter whale makes when it blows...(and seeing that whale really does blow!)

FRIENDFEED: The hors d'oeuvres served at one of Mike Arrington's (in)famous TechCrunch parties...

POWNCE: The act of jumping on top of one of your Twitter friends when you meet them in Real Life for the first time...

JAIKU: Jewish poetry consisting of 5 syllables, followed by 7 syllables, followed by 5 Yiddish words...

UTTERZ: Cow parts that very few Geeks have ever touched...

SEESMIC: What Keith Richards does when he turns toward Jagger...

QIK: A quicker way to spell "quick."

MYSPACE: What Rupert Murdock calls the Internet.

LINKEDIN: The 16th President of the United States, often referred to as "Honest Abe."

PLAXO: An industrial strength cleaning solution effective at whitewashing your contact list.


If you have your own definitions for these and other services, please add them to the comments!

Day 113: Twitter Withdrawal? Register for help here!

Last Friday may have been the day that lives in Infamy, but today is the day that may cause serious pain for a lot of otherwise happy Twittizens. Why? As noted in the screenshot above, Twitter will be down for 12 HOURS!!! (UPDATE: The planned outage was a non-event and re-scheduled for Sunday, December 16...)

Holy Withdrawal Pains Batman, what's an addict to do???

It is ironic that this planned Twitter outage comes only days after Jeremiah Owyang caused a TwitPlosion of activity with his provocative blog post entitled "Some Conversations Have Shifted To Twitter." This shifty blog entry, with more than 400 comments from Twittizens desperately seeking more followers, has perhaps unintentionally made the honorable Jeremiah one of our generation's leading enablers of Twitter addiction.

Help Is On The Way! Get Your INVITATION!

The marketing brains here at INVITATIONS realize that this "twouble with twitter" may cause an unusually high demand for Social Networking Rehabilitation services this weekend. With that in mind we are hosting an Open House today and will be accepting any and all applications for admission to the INVITATIONS Clinic.

Our Patient Registration Form is below. Please click on it to view, download and print a copy. You may Fax your completed form to (484) 737-5174. While all applications will be accepted during today's Open House, beds will be assigned on a first come, first served basis.

As a professional courtesy, we have already set aside the Invitations "Presidential" and "Royal" suites for Jeff Pulver and Doug Haslam.

Read this doc on Scribd: INVITATIONS FORM b

UPDATE: It is Saturday at 4:10pm EST and Twitter has yet to go down. Despite the numerous countdowns and refreshes by the faithful addicts, it appears the rumors of Twitter's temporary demise were greatly exaggerated!

Day 16: The Social Networking Gene...

It is day 16. I am more than halfway through my recovery. It is kind of quiet here at INVITATIONS since the Crackberry wing is practically empty. All the Celebrities checked out to go to Vegas for the VMA's. After seeing Britney's performance, I bet most of them wished they had stayed here. At least when the docs, nurses, therapists and counselors here start yellin' at you, there's no question they aren't lip syncing! Oops. She really did it again, didn't she!

As I mentioned in this morning's Twittergram, I am faced with the prospect that I may have passed this terrible disease of Social Networking Addiction onto my children. I have started to see the signs in my youngest, my daughter. At 16 she can thumb type on her SideKick like Mavis Beacon after two double espressos! I am pretty certain she is using MySpace when I am not around. On more than one occasion, when I came home from work I noticed her dilated pupils from staring at the Computer Monitor. I hope and pray that she doesn't discover Twitter! I fear that Twitter may be a gateway social network, and may lead to her using more powerful and addictive social media, like Facebook, where her usage won't be limited to short doses of 140 characters. Once she crosses that line, she may be lost forever.

I will have to keep a close watch on who her friends are. I better not recognize any of their usernames!