Day 303: A Twitter Addicts' Guide To Social Media Services

Call me Ishmael...

With all the WHALE images I have seen on Twitter lately, I can't help but recall MOBY DICK... And like Captain Ahab, there are times when I can't help wanting to exact revenge and harpoon that (not so) elusive whale...

LOTS OF NEW FISH IN THE FISHBOWL

One of the problems the hardcore patients here at the INVITATIONS Social Networking Rehab facility have is to keep the staff from finding out about all the different new SocNets. What they don't know won't hurt us! So, while Twitter and Facebook are recognized as being among the leading drugs of choice for the Social Networking junkie, some of the newer SocNet strains are still foreign to the doctors and therapists here. With that in mind, a few fellow patients and I have prepared an emergency glossary to use to throw the staff off guard and keep them from discovering (and potentially ruining) our latest shiny objects.

Therefore, should any healthcare officials ask you about one of these services, here are the answers you should provide:

What is...

PLURK: The sound the Twitter whale makes when it blows...(and seeing that whale really does blow!)

FRIENDFEED: The hors d'oeuvres served at one of Mike Arrington's (in)famous TechCrunch parties...

POWNCE: The act of jumping on top of one of your Twitter friends when you meet them in Real Life for the first time...

JAIKU: Jewish poetry consisting of 5 syllables, followed by 7 syllables, followed by 5 Yiddish words...

UTTERZ: Cow parts that very few Geeks have ever touched...

SEESMIC: What Keith Richards does when he turns toward Jagger...

QIK: A quicker way to spell "quick."

MYSPACE: What Rupert Murdock calls the Internet.

LINKEDIN: The 16th President of the United States, often referred to as "Honest Abe."

PLAXO: An industrial strength cleaning solution effective at whitewashing your contact list.


If you have your own definitions for these and other services, please add them to the comments!

Day 12: Forced Downtime

This morning I had breakfast with my Rehab Counselor. It seems I have been forgiven for my "poking" and "powncing" comments. Even so, I chose my words very carefully when I told her I wanted an iPod TOUCH! I don't need any more harassment charges against me.

She asked how I was doing and I told her I hadn't toyed with Twitter for at least 8 hours. She seemed pleased with my progress. Of course, she has no idea that the only reason I haven't been Tweeting my brains out is because TWITTER IS DOWN FOR MAINTENANCE.

Perhaps I should ask her if the Rehab Facility has a SOCIAL MEDIA STRATEGY???

Day 10: Follow the Powncing Ball...

So, it is Day 10. I am back in Recovery after a Labor Day Weekend Reprieve. It feels like for each step forward in the program I am taking two Tweets backward. I came back to the facility with a fresh outlook, and according to the staff, a fresh mouth as well. Don't they get it? Telling a female counselor that I want to Pownce her when I get out does NOT have any sexual overtones! Sheesh! Imagine if I told her what I was really thinking... that I wished we'd get LinkedIN together one day! Between that and the "poke" comment the other day, they are watching me like a hawk... but I still managed to sneak in this Twittergram when they were all busy tightening the strings on the straitjackets in the Crackberry Ward (FYI, that's where all the Celebrities are!)

My ankle is getting raw and itchy from the Treo bracelet. If my kids come to visit I will see if they can sneak in some Calamine lotion.

Think of me when you are Twittering. I am thinking of you.